I hail from a small village in Gujarat and was allowed to pursue further studies as a meritorious female student. Thanks to my parents, who stood up for me against challenging odds in the family and village. I was among a handful of girls in my village to get that opportunity over the years. I started travelling for studies. I couldn’t think beyond studies, actively participating in competitions, winning and losing, but moving forward, humbled and conscious of where I come from, using a fortunate opportunity denied to many of my fellow classmate girls because our village school offered education only till grade 10. We had to travel to a nearby village, about 5 kilometres away, for grades 11 and 12. For graduation, I went to a town about 20 kilometres away. Pursuing studies and travelling in public transport for a village girl is considered taboo even today when I am talking about the early 2000s.

Hence, it could never come to my mind to seek attention, take credit, or compete in the rat race. Villagers lack these “skills.” An introverted village girl has just been happy and excited over the chance to make her life. Ammi taught me ‘neki kar, dariya main daal’ – loosely translated as ‘do (deed) what you can and forget about it\be discreet with your kindness’. I still firmly believe that ‘let your work speak for you.’ But the world around me is a huge crowd filled with varied people. An interesting kind is ‘Bolbachhans (bol+bachhan = talkers who cannot do anything, that’s why brag).’

My experience of over two decades made me realise that the community of Bolbachhans is increasing. They are often called free-riders, intimidators, expert braggers, leg-pullers, mean, self-centred and opportunists. Ironically, their success and happiness depend upon someone’s failure. Further, they Never Work or Contribute. But they are credit-takers for success and first to blame others for failure. They are troubled and internally unhappy people. Unfortunately, they thrive as sadists (sadists get pleasure out of other’s suffering). Please think of them now and laugh at them. They deserve it – Ha, ha, ha! What a pitiful life they have!

I ask you to laugh off and move forward, but it is not easy in real life. Being around them and having to bear them daily is a challenge. They may make life so miserable for you that you may not want to leave your bed in the morning. They are attention seekers and insecure to the extent that they consciously won’t care how badly they are hurting someone’s self-worth, killing someone’s motivation and even taking away somebody’s job. How many people are crying, feeling lost, and questioning their potential because some opportunist has seeded self-doubt in them repeatedly?

I see you. I hear you. I feel for you. Because I have been there, too. Despite minding my business, I have been bullied as a student at the hands of my junior during my Master’s course.

English department organised an international conference. As a sincere, class-ranking, and confident student, I was responsible for handling the stage between sessions to make small announcements in English for tea-lunch breaks and different venues with my junior, a full-of-herself girl. Despite being an excellent and confident orator and winning public speaking competitions, nervousness was natural because I came from a vernacular language (Gujarati) background. Speaking 3 sentences in English in a gathering of the professors of English felt like a gigantic challenge. But I was ready as always. However, the opportunity never came. She grabbed the mike, overshadowed me, and didn’t let me speak despite standing there and waiting for my turn. The repetitive, unspoken insult hit me so deep and hard that I left the event by the evening and skipped the next day. I called in with an excuse for sickness. But this was being observed by fellow students. They brought this issue to a faculty member. Madam called me in and softly enquired about it. I am not the kind that easily opens up or cries in public, but I broke down. Seeing me hurt so deeply she asked me to take the issue to our then-HoD. I don’t know why, but I denied it and asked her to let go. Nevertheless, the situation reached, sir. He first scolded me for not informing him of the entire narrative and silently being bullied. I still remember his words; he said, ‘Never leave a place because someone is insulting you. You are carrying the trust of those who trusted you. Inform them. You are not doing wrong to that girl but standing up for yourself. Never let anyone tell you what you are capable of. There is a reason why you were given the responsibility to handle the stage.” I left teary-eyed from there with a lesson for life.

It was in the 2011-2013. A decade later, today, I have created an identity, a place for myself. All by myself. As a curious learner, I have dedication, sincerity and an endless quest for knowledge as an academic. I can sleep peacefully at night when I receive genuine gratitude and acknowledgement from my students for adding value to their lives and being there for them. It is my earning. If this is not an achievement, what is it then?

Hence, feel and accept the roller-coaster phases of life. Try not to be an eraser that wipes out someone’s hard work. Just be there for yourself and remember,

Neki kar, Dariya main daal and of course, stay awaaaaaaaaay from bolbachhans!!!!

Recall the value you add to someone’s life. Remember that feeling.

Have a mindfully relaxing weekend!!!!